How rude....

I just realized that in my frenzy of self congratulation and excitement that I too can edit my html to add links - ALL BY MYSELF!!!! - I forgot to include any introduction or explanation as to why these links are so superduperdope.
To the left you will find links to the red-headed-step-brain-children of some of my dearest and most beloved friends. If you enjoy extremely witty social and personal commentary and humorous dialogue on everything from accidental 'rear-entry' and pole dancing to the merits of religion, the sacred covenant of marriage and the secret lives of lawyers....or if you like 'kats'.....check 'em out.
There's also a really good site for all you eclectic-yet-conscientious lover's of fine (street) art.....wooster collective is the *ish. I remember fondly a time where we were doing and not just viewing.....I suppose it interferes with our day jobs now that we're OLD. ugh.

Cell Block Seven:

Little asian girls in orange prison jumpsuits...turn on or turn off?.....Discuss amongst yourselves....

Coffee and Cigarettes:

Morning coffee talk:

A: If I won the 240 Million lottery you guys would still be my friends. I would adopt a rainbow family and ooooh! I'd buy a monkey!!!
L: For the right amount of money I'll act like I'm your monkey!
A: Yeah! And you could wear a little red fez and have those finger cymbols!!!
L: I'd need a wagon too and an organ grinder so you could pull me around though....
A: And I'd get you little outfits that we could change you into and we'll put them in your wagon!!
L: Then I could come to work and resign and say that I'm pursuing a promising and high-paying career in entertainment!!!

Quote of the day: "You know what you need? Some orthodontia."

Nitwit nuns and the imbalance of power:

People who are inneffective at their jobs should be fired. Especially people who are paid to help other people.

Dumb people should be rigged with an automatic shock therapy unit that goes off when ever they attempt to be the least bit condescending. That is just wrong on so many levels...

Did the meeting go well? NOT SO MUCH...

I have tried to write something meaningful and insightful about my experience with the nuns, but I can't seem to get anything down that doesn't make me sound like a nun-hating hate monger....but like a close personal friend of mine says: I hate because I care...

Thank you all you beautiful people - even though you too are all crazy like a canteloupe...

Just a thanks and acknowledgement to all the people who inhabit and tolerate my crazy existence. In particular, and with extra special gratitude, the one with the apple juice fetish. You know who you are...

I have a potentially life-changing meeting with some sadistic nuns this afternoon - if that doesn't provide some interesting blog fodder, I don't know what will - and so commences the age old battle of good and eeeeevillll...but wait....which is which? Am I the good? Are they the evil? I am more accustomed to being on the bottom, but I love to be on top, so f*ck convention and the convent. And the nuns? Well they can go back to the sadistic sisters-of-no-mercy and suck a fat one.
When did nuns and shylocks start having so much in common? I'm not particularly religous - or rather, a particular religion, but I'm fairly sure that the sacred order of the nunnery or whatever you f*cking call it, was not founded on the principals of torture....wait, how dumb am I?!!!! No men, no freedom, living in a stuffy convent with a bunch of other hormonal women for the rest of your days......torture? Just kill me now.
(sidebar: To all the nice nuns who are reading this, my apologies. The "right" thing to do would to not let one spoiled apple ruin the bunch, but f*ck....)

We'll see how it goes for this dastardly diabolical dame....tune in next time....

Note to Self:

A friendly reminder to myself for my sake and the sanity of others:

Less What IF and more What IS.

The word of the day is: Clarity
The sentence of the day is: Get your head out of your ass.

It's unfortunate to come to the sad but necessary realization that the carefully thought out and emotively articulated sentiments you had compiled for grounds of 'logical' reasoning in deciding for someone why they should listen to the rantings of a crazy person (me being said crazy person) are not as valid when spoken as they seemed to be in your head.
It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Making my decisions for other people....and telling them it's their decision....

Here is another thought...
Why do I think it is okay for me to try to make decisions for other people, like I know what the hell is good for them? What the hell do I know about doing the right thing? What makes me possibly think that I am qualified to decide someone else's happiness? And why do I always do that to sabotage myself? Masochistic beeyatch that I am, it usually ends up with me throwing pity-parties for myself where I am the guest of honor and the cause of all that is wrong with my world. I think professionals would call this projecting...? (anyone professional out there that can confirm this or debunk it?.... would appreciate the info....) But I think that since I am so unsure, ungrounded, flighty and freaked, so must everyone else be. And what am I really saying when I say that I "know myself and I know what's best" for so-and-so? In the clear light of day and the harsh glare of 20/20 hindsight I'm just a big puss-baby trying to deploy some wacked out diversion tactic so I can run away. "Hey is that Bigfoot!?" - peace out - ....sadness is something one becomes accustomed to by necessity sometimes. Happiness is scary as f*ck. It is such a greater unknown. Man up! Right? I guess what's the worst that could happen if I show up for the game?....I get smooshed....well, as with everything else that can and may and will go awry: walk it off, walk it off.....
Inner dialogue: Keep running away, Marie, that's what you're good at. Or hey, why don't you stick around and play awhile? You might even have some fun.....

Belle Diabolique

Why things you can't get are more important than the things you have....

This is such a deranged thought process that continuously gets in the way of my happiness. Be it material or emotional, I find myself always focusing on the next "best thing." If you create enough of a buzz about something people will want it. If you tell them they can't have it they will want it more. Why, in relationships do we apply this silly marketing tactic to fool ourselves into thinking that there must always be something better, newer, buzz-worthier? I find myself sabotoging the things/people that I love, know to be true, own or need or want because of that tinny, cloying marketing devil's voice telling me that what if there is something better, hold out, stay unattached, keep your options open, buy consume, need, desire, to no end....
WHAT IF? Hmmm, what if. What if there is nothing better, newer, sleeker, cleaner, more loving, more worth it, more anything????? What if I decide to NOT invest in the what if's? Not to place importance on something that doesn't even exist yet? On something that if I did have it, I would find out that it is much like the newer, more-hyped model of a lot of things - a disappointment at best, but in NEW packaging or with a NEW fresh scent or NEW now 20% MORE!!!! All for the low low price of what??? Disposing of what you already have? I love gadgets and gizmos, and this rampage may not apply to all things material (I am also a self-described bonafied clothes horse) but when I find myself trying to subconsciously apply this to my personal life and the wonderful and sometimes not-so-wonderful people who are players in that debacle, I wonder....why can't I ever just be happy with what I have for the right now and not worry about the next "best thing?"

Office McGuyver

The day that the FedEx man has the power to dampen my mood is the day I stage an office coup....today is the day. I am tempted to erupt, but my misplaced sense of professionalism - I say misplaced because clearly the workplace is no longer the appropriate venue to display good sense - prevents me from taking immediate action. Instead phrases like "multiple homicide by stapler" or "serious maiming by inter-office memo" are floating through my head. I think I am so clever, but really I think this is a subconscious tactic to remind myself that I am a relatively intelligent human being and should be above this sort of erratic and violent behavior. Plus, I see visions of myself on the evening news in handcuffs and I am not wearing my power suit today.
I encouraged my friend in a similar situation to construct throwing stars out of rubber bands and paper clips and go for broke....still waiting to see how that panned out...perhaps I'll put my coup on hold. For everyone who works in an office, my sympathies, but I suppose I can't really complain as I do seem to find the time to type this blog....what a slacker....